It's Growing and So Is My Patience

I was looking through some pictures of me and my hair.  I got my big chop on August 30, 2013.  The pictures of my hair turn my stomach.  I looked crazy.  There was nothing I could do but just look crazy.  I stayed inside a bit more because I didn't want to go outside looking like I was looking.  Now nearly 7 months after my big chop and I'm feeling a little bit better about my hair.  IT'S GROWING...no it's not down my back, or even long enough to pull into a pony tail.  But I can rock a Peter Cotton Tail!!!  LOL...

My hair has definitely grown.  I'm able to do twist outs, braid outs and once in awhile Bantu knots.  Now just because I said I can do them does not mean that I look cute in any of these styles, but I'm working on it.  Each day I rise with the intent of doing something different to my hair, only to end up in my Peter Cottontail!  And that's ok!!!  As long as a I have a go to style, I'm ok.  I'm definitely a lot more patient with this journey; with this process.  And NO...please don't get it wrong, by no means am I saying that I'm happy, that I look cute and I have this under control.  If I did, Id'd be lying.  What I am saying is that it's growing (which makes me happy) and I'm feeling better.  Not cute, just a little better.  I've got awhile before I get to cute.

I was talking to one of my girlfriends and she said she feels sad for me.  She reads my blog and feels sad for me.  Thanks Tam....you should!!  You know why???  Because I didn't chose this, it chose me. And so while I'm one of the chosen ones, I have to figure out how to get in where I fit in.  So please stay tuned.....my hair journey is on going, and going to a higher level.  In a few months, I may be able to take a picture and post it up and not be embarrassed.

Until then.....keep reading and following me.

~Hair Love

Protective Styles - Forever?

So right now I'm rocking corn rows.  This is isn't my first go round with corn rows, and most definitely won't be the last.  And while I love these braids, right now…I'm OVER IT!!  For a natural chick, braids are one of the protective styles used to grow your hair.  Now, we know my hair is short, and it's going to take a long time for my hair to get to a length that I'm going to be happy with.  So does this mean I'm going to have to wear my hair in braids forever?  UMMMM……can't do it!!!  I don't have the time or the wherewithal to sit and get my hair braided every few weeks.  Nor do I want to see, what little edges I have, disappear because I've been wearing braids to much.  So what is a girl to do?

Yeah…I know…embrace my natural hair and wear it out.  But ya'll know…I'm not there yet.  I keep looking at different youtube videos praying that someone is going to show me a hairstyle that my hair will do that looks cute.  And I keep praying that one day soon I'm going to wake up, see my natural hair, and love it.  That day is coming…BUT IT JUST AIN'T HERE YET!!

It's been a year since my last perm.  I'm supposing that I will have to wear protective styles for at least another year.  Hopefully my hair will double the length in length.  Crazy thinking?  Nope…Hopeful!!  But a year of protective styles?  Geez!!!!!  This journey has got to take a turn for the good soon….Please Lord!!!

My hair has been one of my most prized possessions.  Now it's almost a curse.  I need help, I know.  But remember…I'm telling my truth.  Looking in the mirror, I don't see my old self…I see…well, I'll keep that to myself.  I'm not super excited with what I see.  But I'm working on loving what I see.  Time will tell and time will hopefully help me to begin to feel better.  Until then...

Hair love~

Protective Style - Corn Rows

Hey there,
It's Monday and back to feeling cute again.  Wanna know why?  Because my natural hair IS NOT out! That's right, I said it.  I know for all of my naturalistas, that's probably blasphemous talk - sorry ladies…but that's truly how I feel.  And this blog is about keeping it real on MY hair journey.

So last week, I took down my tree braids because they were old and it was time.  I looked forward to seeing my hair, washing my hair, and trying some new product for my hair.  I went to Target and bought some Shea Moisture conditioner and some Argon oil, and was ready.  I washed my hair, conditioned it, put all of the moisturizing products I could in it, flat twisted it and went about my business.  In the morning, I was excited to see how it was going to turn out.

This is what my hair looked like.  A HOT MESS!!  And let's understand something…the front was laid down with some edge gel.  The back was a thick mess.  There was nothing else I could do but wear it like this.  AND I ABSOLUTELY HATED IT!!  I immediately called my girlfriend to see if she could braid my hair.  She told me yes.  And we made a date.  I went to by my $6 hair for my cornrows, and ended up stopping into my beauticians place so she could see my hair.  She said…"what a cute wash and go."  UMMMM….HELLO…  This was not a wash and go.  I twisted my hair the night before.  Her answer - NO YOU DIDN'T…Shut up Keisha.  That's a wash and go!!  DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?  I clearly don't know what the hell I'm doing when it comes to MY NATURAL HAIR!!  She felt so sorry for me that she washed my hair and conditioned it for me as I got ready to go and get it braided.  She told me that she's going to twist it the next time, and then in the morning, I'm going to go back to her so she can untwist it and show me how to do it.  I can't wait so she can see that my hair ain't gonna do it!!!

Here's what I think is happening…MY HAIR IS REBELLING!!  I've had a perm for over 30 years.  I think my hair is soooooo mad at me that it's decided to do it's own thing until further notice.  Wellll…..I'm taking back my power…I'm wearing protective styles until my hair can get it's self together and simmer down.  I WILL NOT WALK AROUND LOOKING A HOT DAMN MESS!!  I can be cute with braids, tree braids, weaves, and whatever other protective style I chose.  So this months protective style..corn rows….

I feel so much better, and can look people in the eye again.  And I look cute…so I think.  LOL…

Reminder…I'm on a natural hair journey.  It's going to take some time for my hair to grow to a length that is cute on me.  Until then, I will keep it ALL THE WAY REAL about this journey.  It ain't easy, it ain't fun…But it's MY journey and I'm going to stick to it for the health of my hair and scalp.  Stay with me.

Hair love~

PS - Corn rows done by Natina Gurley…hit me if you want her information.  She's amazing!!

Somebody Done Told ME Wrong!!

SOMEBODY DONE TOLD ME WRONG!!  This hair journey is BS!!  Every week I look at various youtube videos of women who showcase their natural hair styles.  They give suggestions on how to do your hair, tutorials on how to get a certain look, and tutorials on various products that they feel are best for natural hair.  All of the youtube videos I've watched (over 100) have a woman, who in the end is candidly talking about how much she enjoys her hair, her journey and the entire process.  Ummmm……that is some BULLSHIT!!  Please forgive my french, but there is no way that everyone that has experienced this journey has had a great time.  And if they are truthful about it, this journey is one that is extremely hard.  Ok…maybe it's hard for me.  So let me tell MY truth.

As I shared before, I'm going through this journey as a result of my scalp allergy towards the perm chemicals.  My hair was beginning to fall out, and my dermatologist suggested I stop with the chemicals or suffer the consequence of total hair loss.  Only a fool would continue with the perm.  So I stopped.  I got my last perm in January 2013.  Since then, my hair has grown out of most of the perm and then in August I did the BIG CHOP and cut out the remainder of the perm.  From then, my hair has been au natural!!  Now let's remember, I've had a perm since I was about 11 or 12, so my hair has been trained with a perm.  Now without a perm, my hair has a mind of its own.  I have several different curl patterns in my hair, it's very coily (some of my friends get mad when I say nappy), and in my opinion... UGLY!  Yes it's grown a bit since I got it all cut off….thank God…but it's still NOT MY CUP OF TEA!!  I'm just going to keep it real…I AM MY HAIR!!  There, I said it.  Many women are trying to fight that thought…I've tried….but it's just not my truth.  I LOVE HAIR!  I love how I look when my hair is cute.  I get confidence from my hair.  And I'm ok with that.  Yes I'm confident in other areas, but let's keep it real…society is JUDGEMENTAL!!  Women are judged on their looks, their bodies, and how they carry themselves.  And then we are judged on everything else.  So when I walk into a room and my hair is not on point, someone can see my insecurity and immediately will judge me.  So why lie…I AM MY HAIR and everything else that makes me.

So…I will continue on this journey.  I have yet to learn how to make my hair cute.  We will go through this together.  If you have tips, pics, websites or you tubes that I should look at, PLEASE put it out there for me.  I'M DESPERATE.

The journey AND the struggle is real….LOL
Hair love~